Writing: Fear

I cannot do it any longer. I have put it off too long. But why when I think of sending out query letters, do I quake and shake in my boots? I’ve done everything I can. I trust the universe to take care that my work gets into the right hands. So why, oh why do I fret and flutter and freak out when I start the process of writing query letters? Or sending out my work?  Why does my face burn and my body shiver in terror. It makes no sense.  Everyone who has seen my work is so complimentary and encouraging but inside I feel so hopeless. Even though I giggle and cackle and scream and cry when I read the words I’ve written and feel the joy and agony of my characters deeply.

I’m not afraid of rejection. It’s feels more like I’m sending my children out into a cold, cruel world and I fear for their safety. I’m normally a very confident person and will talk to death about my latest story. I have no fear in showing it to lesser mortals (like brothers, friends, beta readers) but the idea of showing it to someone who will judge it makes me quiver with antici – antici – anticipation. And NOT the good kind. Yikes!

But I am going to do it. I have no choice. I can no longer hide behind endless rounds of revisions. I can no longer wait until I’m comfortable. I can no longer keep the light shining inside of me hidden under mounds of excuses. It’s time to set them free and let them find their own path. Even if that path leads right back to my door where they cower in the dark having found no solace in the world. Then I’ll brush them off, fix their flaws and push them out the door again.

I feel better. It’s better to let it out and let it go and forge ahead. God bless writers. Let’s do it. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Let it go.  The cold never bothered us anyway.  🙂 B

 

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